AARP Love and Meaning after 50 by Julia L. Mayer

Author:Julia L. Mayer [Julia L. Mayer, PSY.D. and Barry J. Jacobs, PSY.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Hachette Books
Published: 2020-08-04T00:00:00+00:00

Next Steps

If you want to try to improve your emotional connection and develop a more shared vision as you go through the downsizing and moving transition, as well as increase your ability to cooperate and negotiate to meet the needs of both of you, here’s what we suggest:

First, listen to each other at length; you can problem-solve together later. The process may feel slow and labored, but try to be patient with it; this will give you the best opportunity to fully know what your partner is thinking and feeling, and your partner will learn what you are thinking and feeling. This is an opportunity to get to know each other deeply regarding this major life transition. If you both agree to take your time with it, you will get the most from it.

Make an appointment to sit down together for an hour. You won’t be making big decisions; you’ll be sharing your Check-Up results and talking about where you agree and disagree. Take turns telling each other how you feel about downsizing and relocating, what the change means to you, the fears about potential loneliness or isolation, or the grief about the losses you may feel. Use the “Tips for Talking and Listening” found at the beginning of this book.

Let yourselves be vulnerable. Do your best to listen patiently, quietly, and nonjudgmentally. Give your partner time to talk. Remember that this isn’t easy for either of you.

Respond to your partner with a validating comment, even if you feel surprised or upset. Just listen closely and summarize what your partner said, so you both feel heard. Be respectful and supportive. You aren’t solving problems now; you are sharing feelings and learning about each other.

Remember that your goal is to feel more connected. End the hour by identifying areas of agreement from the Check-Up and setting a positive goal, such as beginning to clear out a room in your home, choosing the artwork you can’t live without, or making an appointment to look at places you may like to move to. This will be an opportunity to feel closer.

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